On Perceived Rejection
I was wondering how u got to the point of actually having a bf. There's this guy that likes me and I him, but anytime it's close to getting to that relationship point; I wreck it? Idk. I was wondering if you had any struggle in that area and how you managed it?
I have social anxiety and bpd traits. I was wondering how u got to the point of actually having a bf. There's this guy that likes me and I him, but anytime it's close to getting to that relationship point; I wreck it? Idk. I was wondering if you had any struggle in that area and how you managed it? Also, I have no idea how he still likes me and I keep thinking he hates me but then he still initiates convo?
I also have social anxiety and BPD. My boyfriend and I laid the foundation of friendship before we started dating. We were strictly platonic with no ulterior motives, which gave us a lot of time to get to know each other minus the romantic ornamental bullshit. He knew I had problems with intimacy and so when we got together it wasn’t such a shock that I had social anxiety and didn’t like to kiss.
There was a guy before him though who probably did not understand me at all. I felt a lot like you’re feeling now. I experienced perceived rejection when really I had no idea what he was thinking because we never talked about it. I blamed myself for the awkwardness, but looking back he wasn’t a safe person. There’s a reason why I didn’t open up and it’s because we just weren’t compatible. I didn’t feel he would understand my mental illness.
I’m going to give you the advice I wish I could give myself back then. Your thinking he hates you is more of a belief that’s manifesting itself into perceived rejection. Remember that distinction. Perceived rejection. I know that it feels real. No one can say you aren’t feeling the rejection, but reminding yourself that it’s just perception can help you discern the root of your insecurity. Maybe you feel unworthy of intimacy or you think you’re incapable of being in a relationship? Whatever it is, it’s not you. It’s your insecurity, one that you can explore, accept, and hopefully change.
Aside from the inner work, if you really want answers, you need to ask for them. Ask for reassurance even if it makes you nervous. How does he feel about you? What does he want out of your interactions? And once you feel this person is safe, maybe you can open up about your mental health.